The Usual Cliche Aeris Resurrection Story
by Whistle
Summary: Cloud decides one day to resurrect Aeris and embarks on a daring adventure that bends all the rules of logic and characterization, that can only be summed up in one word: cliche.


**Author's note:** Oh hey. I wrote this story way back in 2003, as a parody of certain trends popular in FF7 fic at the time. I still get the occasional review, so I guess someone is still enjoying this now that those days are gone. I hope you do too.

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**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own _FF7 _or any of its characters. In fact, I don't even own any of the ideas for the plot.

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**The Usual Cliche Aeris Resurrection Story**

One day that seemed like any other day, but of course wasn't because otherwise we wouldn't be writing a fic about it, Tifa woke up in her old house in Nibelheim, where she now lived despite the fact that the original town where she had grown up had been burned to ashes by Sephiroth seven years ago and it contained several horrible memories of her past. She got up, got dressed and went downstairs to her bar, Seventh Heaven, and started cleaning the tables, whistling happily as she waited for Cloud, who also had forgotten all his bad memories such as, but not limited to, Sephiroth's madness and his mother's death, and now lived in his old home.

She smiled as she heard Cloud's footsteps approaching. She had decided that day to confess her love to Cloud and she expectantly waited for the door to open. Cloud came in but before Tifa had a chance to speak, he walked up to her, took a deep breath and said,

"Tifa, I wanted to talk to you. I'm going to look for Aeris. I think that though we never even thought about it when Sephiroth was summoning Meteor and we really needed her to stop him, there's certainly a way to bring her back to life, because it just isn't fair that she's dead. So I'll go look for her and I'm leaving now. See ya. Take care of the bar."

And before she could reply, he turned around and left. Tifa stared after him, then she ran upstairs again, flung herself on the bed and started crying desperately.

* * *

Cloud whistled happily as he rode, because he was going to resurrect Aeris. He didn't even come close to thinking that he had just tactlessly hurt Tifa's feelings, because after all, she had only been his childhood friend and had had feelings for him for only twelve years, and he was only going to resurrect Aeris abandoning her in Nibelheim, why _WOULD_she be hurt?

'Let's see.' he thought. 'There must be some unknown materia that can bring her back to life and if there is then Red XIII must certainly know of it, even though he never mentioned it in the game! To Cosmo Canyon, then!'

Tifa cried all day. How could Cloud have left her like this? Didn't he know that she loved him? (The answer, of course, is no, 'cause he's a tactless blind little bastard.)

She kept crying until she heard the doorbell ring.

It was Vincent, who now lived in Nibelheim too, in the Shinra Mansion to be precise, because after all, if Cloud and Tifa could forget all their horrible pasts in their hometown, why should he keep remembering trivial stuff such as Lucrecia's death and Hojo's horrible experiments? So he had bought the Shinra Mansion with his savings from his days as a Turk, which had luckily remained untouched even though 30 years had passed, and the bank authorities hadn't had any problems giving them back to him, even if he was reported dead and hadn't aged at all. So now he lived in Nibelheim and although he had always disliked social relations, he visited Cloud and Tifa every day.

When Tifa opened the door, he could clearly tell that something was wrong. The tears and red eyes were a dead give-away, and being extremely observant, he immediately noticed them.

"What's wrong Tifa?" he asked worriedly, apparently not realizing he was acting extremely out of character. "Where's Cloud?" Of course, he had noticed right away that Cloud was missing, and _OBVIOUSLY_ he couldn't just be in the bathroom.

Tifa just flung herself in his arms and told him everything.

"Oh no! How could he?" ('cause he's a tactless blind little bastard.)

Tifa just kept sobbing on his chest. Vincent held her close to him. He felt a sudden, unexplainable urge to be close to her, to comfort her, forgetting all about the previous love of his life, Lucrecia, for whom he had only sacrificed his life and humanity. If that little bastard Cloud was going to abandon Tifa like that, then it was his duty to stay with her and cheer her up.

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Cloud arrived in Cosmo Canyon the next day. He went straight over to Red XIII and told him about his theories, providing such arguments and proof ("There's certainly a way to bring her back to life, because it just isn't fair that she's dead.") that the feline or canine or whatever it is was immediately convinced.

"Of course!" he cried. "The Aeris Resurrection Materia! Why didn't I think of it before! If I had, then we would have had a much easier time defeating Sephiroth!"

"Don't worry, Red. We all understand that you had your mind occupied by other things, such as your father's sacrifice and Bugenhagen's death! Now just tell me where this materia is! It makes sense that there's a special materia just to resurrect her, because she was too nice to die in the middle of the game and those stupid Square programmers didn't put in a way to bring her back to life, despite what some fans still say!"

"Sure! The Aeris Resurrection Materia is located in the Forgotten City, the very same place where Aeris died! (Of course I know its location, 'cause I'm so smart and all)"

"_WOW_! What an _ASTOUNDING_ coincidence! I will immediately go there and retrieve this materia so I can bring her back to life ad live happily ever after! Yay!"

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And so Cloud left for the Forgotten City. After he left, Red went over to his grandfather's observatory, which he could operate unaided by two-legged, thumbed creatures, and as soon as he entered, he saw in the model of the Planet that something was wrong with the Lifestream. This could only mean one thing.

"Oh _NO!_ This can only mean one thing! _SEPHIROTH IS STILL ALIVE!_"

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Cloud skipped happily through the Forgotten City. He felt as if something was calling him, drawing him near. Knowing that feelings always told the truth, he followed it and ended up in the Water Altar where Aeris had died. There was a large, shining orb in the middle, suspended in the air.

"Wow! This must be the Aeris Resurrection Materia! I wonder why we didn't see it before! Oh, well, I'll just grab it and go resurrect Aeris!"

But as soon as he had picked up the materia, the PHS ringed in his pocket and he answered it.

"Cloud, this is Red XIII. Come here quick! There's an emergency!"

"Sure, Red! I'm coming!"

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Cloud entered the Cosmo Canyon observatory and saw that all the other members of AVALANCHE were already there. They had arrived pretty quickly, considering they all lived in different parts of the world.

As soon as Tifa saw him, she looked coldly at him. 'Oh dear, did she just look coldly at me?' he thought, displaying an unusual amount of alertness for his normal standards. 'I wonder what she might be mad at me for.'

"Okay guys." Red XIII started. "I've found out the most amazing thing! Sephiroth is still alive!"

A collective gasp was heard in the room.

"Oh no!" said Cait Sith. "What can be done?"

"Alas, my friends, that is a difficult question." sighed Red XIII. "But after long hours of thinking I have reached a solution. It may be too complicated, but it's our only chance: I suggest we _GO DEFEAT SEPHIROTH!_"

"Oh, Red XIII!" gasped Cid. "I'd never have thought of that! We're lucky to have such an amazing intellect in our party! I only regret the fact that I can't swear since this fic is rated PG!"

"Ya darn right!" agreed Barret.

"But where is he?" asked Yuffie, while stealing all of Red's materia while he was too busy being praised.

"Don't worry about that, either! I know where he is since I'm so smart! He's in the North Cave!"

Another collective gasp. Who would have thought of it?

"Well, den, let's go get da foo' " cried Barret, who for some reason had started talking like Mr. T.

"Alright, guys, let's mosey!" said Cloud, because he couldn't think of another funny line.

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And so, they all went to the North Cave and fought another epic battle for the fate of the world (apparently the first one wasn't enough) and, of course, won, 'cause after all they _WERE _the good guys, and returned home tired but happy.

Cloud then managed to fish Aeris' body out of the lake, although we do not know how, used the Aeris Resurrection Materia and they lived happily ever after and had a lot of children.

Tifa and Vincent moved in together in the Shinra Mansion and they too lived happily ever after despite a brief affair between Vincent and Yuffie.

Cid lived a long happy life until he died in a flight accident. (Either that, or lung cancer.)

Barret, in an accident probably involving space aliens, mysteriously got replaced by Mr. T. No one noticed the change except Marlene, who in any case says it's an improvement.

Cait Sith and Reeve started a ventriloquist act in the Gold Saucer's Event Square, they made a fortune, and they started rebuilding Midgar, even though we all know well that it would be destroyed 500 years later.

Red XIII lived a long life in Cosmo Canyon, met a girl of his own species, and had two children (Red XIV and Fangs.)

Rufus, who has nothing to do with this story, was recovered in a hospital (no one knows how he got there) because it turned out that Diamond Weapon's ultra-powered blast hadn't killed him. Because he was too cool to die, doctors now believe.

Sephiroth died and returned to the Lifestream, where he had a very angsty monologue about being sorry for what he'd done, and was consequentially admitted. He spent the rest of his afterlife with a girlfriend he'd had when he was in SOLDIER.

**The End.**


End file.
